Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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