hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
