I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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