You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I don't think brook has ever known best
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Randomize
