if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
