Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
