Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
