Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
