I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
