Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize