Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
What a dumb baby whore.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
