If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
