12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
