My nipple is on Facebook.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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