1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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