My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize