I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
