So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
The beer is more important than you right now.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
