there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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