Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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