He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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