i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
