If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
