theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
