ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
