Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
