Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
