can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
