Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
