Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I don't deserve a penis
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
