are you so shy because you have an std?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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