No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
home. puking in laundry basket.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We had to coat check the pizza.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
