there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
