Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
