So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
