you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
