plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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