Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize