In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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