I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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