best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
My liver just had a heart attack.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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