HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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