at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
