I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
