Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
