MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize