In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
