I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
They have beer where we have blood.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
