I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
