and i looked up. we had an audience...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize