Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
