I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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