so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
