fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
