Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
