are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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