He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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