Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
