Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
