Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize
